Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Of pulled quads and exhaustion
I have been sleeping a LOT this week. It has been really nice. I was almost concerned about it, for a moment yesterday, but it passed and I went back to sleep. I remember how it felt to sleep after coming off an OB course. I would be so wiped out I would sleep for 19, 20, 23 hours. I wouldn't even wake up to pee. I don't recognize that same level of exhaustion in my body and mind right now but looking at what I have been asking of myself for the last 6.5months I am not shocked to find myself willing and able to sleep for hours on end and days on end. The running is adding to that for sure but also is helping me sleep a restful, lower anxiety sleep where I awake feeling refreshed and calmer. In addition, I am sure my narcolepsy is partly a coping mechanism for the anxiety I am feeling about the summer. It seems that when I do a yoga class or try to meditate it doesn't take long before I am fighting with all my will to stay awake. My massage lady Barbara said she knows that when she hits spots of deeply held tension sometimes folks just fall asleep. It makes sense as a coping mechanism. Sleep is a very nice avoidance method. Anyway, I am not struggling with the sleep thing as I am sure I need it. I am sure it is serving multiple functions for me right now and above all else, other than the fact that my bedroom is a total disaster, there is nothing I love more than snuggling in with my Hubbs and taking a nap.
I am not sure I have written about this but I feel "older" for sure. I remember being able to slog through just about anything when I was younger. I could run or hike or sail as hard as I wanted and I would be sore the next day but not injured. I have never battled "injury" the way I am now and it is frustrating. I am feeling motivated and ready to rock but my body is not keeping up with the program. My thigh really hurt yesterday. It felt so sharp and icky that I was afraid it was a bone issue and not soft tissue. It really hurt to have Barbara hammer on me today but it was also refreshing and encouraging to feel tension in some of those places. Its like proof that I am working hard. Sick I know.
I have chilled a bit on the baby quest. I must have been ovulating or something. I am starting to see that there are things I am focused on accomplishing first and marathons I want to run, trips to Africa I want to take. Things that will be very different with a tiny person or three. I have time. I am not "putting it off" but rather I am taking full advantage of the time I have right now to make the most of my "non-mom" time before it is gone forever. I still want it so badly I can taste it and I can't wait to see the Hubbs experience little ones but it is no longer the ONLY thing I can taste. I am beginning to taste the sweetness of us being just an "US" right now.
I am still planning to write about my whole desire to change focus and pursue a career as a Labor and Delivery RN. I just haven't gotten to it and I am not sure I have totally processed it in my bean yet. I am trying, as much as possible to be clear when I "blog". I am aware that this is a totally self indulgent process but none the less, I hate reading utter rambling....ANYWAY, that remains on the horizon.
Fitness Log: Day 116
Total lbs lost 14
Miles run 143.5
My weight loss is stalled currently but I am continuing to see positive changes in my body shape so I am doing my best not to fret about the poundage.
Posted by Karuna at 5:29 PM