Saturday, December 19, 2009


Yesterday my wedding dress arrived in the mail. I was sooo excited. There had been a lot of thought and honestly, angst about what sort of dress I wanted to walk down the trail in. (We are having a summer camp outdoor wedding so the aisle is a bit non-traditional). I finally decided I wanted a traditional-"esque" dress and then came the struggle over the money. My Hubbs to be (H2B), is fantastic and supportive and would get me the moon if I wanted it. I was struggling internally with my feminist, thrifty-minded, reality based ideas versus what I pictured in my head and what made me feel all giddy and excited.

I wrestled with all of this nonsense until I finally just talked to my mom and got her blessing to find the dress I wanted. As a side bar I will say that the idea of spending over 250.00 dollars on an item of clothing to be worn once makes me want to throw up. I am a jeans and t-shirt kind of lady. I love dressing up every once in a while and I love looking nice and put together but I do NOT want to feel like I am wearing a costume on my wedding day. My mother had bought me a very sweet white sundress (that will be perfect for the picnic and party on Saturday). I love the sun dress but as I said it just didn't feel like "the dress". Images of tv and movies and what a bride is supposed to look like on the day flashed through my head. I didn't have a clue who I was in the context of wedding world. It sucked. I didn't feel justified spending 200.00 of our 6,000.00 wedding budget on a white dress when I had one that would be just fine. My hubbs mom is ALSO wonderful. I am so freakin' lucky I can't even express! She gave me a check and a very stern talking to that I was not allowed to say no to the help. It was more than enough to cover my dream dress (a wopping 200.00 once it went on sale....hmmmm). It was sooo nice. I must have done something good in a past life.
So, as I said, my dress arrived yesterday and my stomach was full of butterflies as I opened the box. It was white and silky and felt beautiful. I slipped it on and zipped it up and looked in the mirror.....Ugh!
When did my body become this shape and size? Where did this come from? Ahhhh yes. I am happily engaged and full time in paramedic school....I am a good Midwestern girl who treats everything from homesickness to excitement with a healthy dose of cheese. I love food and am marrying a man who is tall, rail thin and manages to have a perfect cholesterol level in spite of his love of bacon and avocado.

I am a distance runner and recently broke my foot running the Seattle half marathon. I have been in a boot and on crutches for 3 weeks and it is making me crazy. I was running 4 days a week for stress control, fitness, and socializing. I am not saying that this physical body has developed over 3 weeks of limited mobility. I am saying that putting that dress on yesterday lit a fire under me to take the next 9 months seriously. I did my first 45min of pilates last night on the livingroom floor and followed it up with an hour of swimming (aqua-jogging) and another 45min of pilates tonight.

I want to clarify that the dress fit. It covered everything and hung the right way but its the difference between feeling like some girl in a dress and feeling proud of myself as I walk down the "path". This brings me to the WHY of this very blog. I am commiting to lifestyle changes for the next year. To start with I will be doing pilates daily for the next 8 weeks. I commit to at least 30min a day for 8 weeks. In addition to this a friend has offered to send me the P90X workout DVDs and I am (freakishly) excited to see what 90 days can do. Until the P90X arrives I am going to be swimming for at least an hour, 5 days a week. When I can run again I will mix it up between the running and swimming in an effort to avoid jacking up my foot again.

As I was running laps in the pool this morning I started thinking about my future beyond the wedding. I want to be a mom and a healthy wife, daughter and friend to myself and others. I want to avoid type II diabetes and cancer, I want to set a healthy example for my children and be an active grandmother some day. I want all of what's the problem? Where is the disconnect? I need to start making some positive changes now so that they become positive patterns and second nature in the future. This blog will detail my struggles and successes over the next year as I set out to take my health future in my own hands. It will not be all fitness related. It will also chronicle my wedding planning adentures, my adventures in paramedic school and my journey to adulthood. So, welcome....If you find yourself on a journey to practical womanhood join the convo. Shed a little light on things. Lets see what we can fingure out.


  1. Firstly, I'm positive that you look devastatingly beautiful in your wedding dress.

    That said, I totally get the feeling of not looking and feeling the way that you want on your wedding day. It took me until almost a year after mine to start to make a change. It was hard, but totally possible. You're going to kick change in the ass.

  2. I am so proud of you! I think you look amazingly beautiful the way you are at this very moment. What you said about healthy choices now turning into healthy patterns later really hit me. So wise! Hope we get a chance to see each other over the break! Kisses
    - Morris