Tuesday, December 22, 2009
All I want for Christmas is my mom's plane to land (here, and maybe on time too...)
My Mother will hopefuly be arriving on Christmas night. I say hopefully as there is rumor of a large batch of shitty weather headed to the east that may cause some travel issues. I am staying positive and keeping my fingers crossed that she has a safe and speedy flight over so we can have some time together. My mother lives in Maine. That's 3500ish miles away. I have been over here for almost 3 years now and she still hates it. I do to I suppose. I hate that when something hard happens she is so far away. I hate that when something good happens she is so far away. I hate that there are 3 hours difference in time so that sometimes it is too late to call by the time I get done with my day.
My way of expressing this dislike is by saying things like "I miss you and I wish we were closer." My mother's methods are a little harder to interpret sometimes. For example...I had some pretty significant stomach issues about a year and a half ago. I was working in a job that barely paid me and disallowed me to have another job, had crazy hours and kept me constantly guessing my schedule as well as my work environment. (This was an internship-like job where the connections and the experince are 2/3 the pay. It was part of the get into medical school plan. I didn't ever apply to med school but it has definately paid off in other more important ways). I wasn't making enough money to cover all of my bills and I was begining to live off my credit card. Then I developed an ulcer. I had shitty insurance and was so sick that I couldn't work for several weeks. I called my mom one night worried and broke and feeling ill as well as like a total failure at my new life on the other side of the country. My mom's response was in its most basic description a lecture all about how I needed to learn to take better care of myself and a list of all of the ways I was failing to take care of my self such as not sleeping enough, not eating right, not making a core group of friends, not working in a job that met my financial needs. I was devestated. I just wanted a simple "There there sweety, I am so sorry things are hard and you are sick and frightened. You are not a failure, you are doing the best you can and you are gonna make it." I had forgotten who I was talking to.
My mother has always been no nonsense. She is an extremely loving woman but not in the traditional bake you cookies and kiss your boo boo types of ways. My mother expressed her love by challenging me. I see now that she didn't coddle me because she thought that would make me weak and turn me into someone who couldn't soothe their own hurt feelings or bad days. She was teaching us to care for ourselves and pushing us to need less and less from her and dad. Well, that may be all well and good but sometimes a kid just needs a cookie and a kiss or a "there there honey" phone conversation. It took me a long time to learn that when my mother chews me out on the phone for this or that...mainly for not being good enough to myself, she is saying "I love you. I hate that I am so far away and can't hold you tight and tell you to your face. You are wonderful and capable and smart and lovely but you are human too and humans need food and sleep and days off". Now that is something to hear on a bad day. I count myself fortunate that I have learned to translate long distance mother so well. I am not completely fluent. Sometimes I hear bees when she said cheese and get all wigged out and upset. But most of the time we do really wel.
Anyway, my mom is coming for Chistmas. I will likely be at work on the night of the 25th when she flies in and the hubbs will pick her up from the airport and bring her home to pour her into bed. It will be past one in the morning in her body and that flight is nasty. The next day I will get off work and come home to snuggle into bed next to her for a few hours before we start cooking the Christmas feast. The Hubb's family will be coming over in the afternoon for meet the mom and open the stuff and stuff the face. Then mom and I will have 5days to hang out and plan wedding stuff and see the area. I can't wait. You see, learning to speak long distance mother has brought us a lot closer. It has helped us both feel heard and like we are better listeners. Who doesn't want that?
As I was cleaning up the kitchen tonight I was thinking back and trying to remember when I started to really care what my mom thought of my home. You know, as an adult "woman". I can't remember. I certainly wasn't any time I was still living under her roof as she often threatened to put all of my things into the garage and make me sort it out before putting any of the crap I had in every nook and cranny back into the house. These days I am not so clingy to things. I have moved one too many times to have much investment in anything that takes up any space or weighs anything at all because it just means I am going to have to dust it, dust around it or move it to the next house we live in.
I was scrubbing the counters and thinking about how I want my mother to like my house and my family and my dogs and all of the other stuff I identify as "mine". I want her to approve of the kind of woman I am. I want her to be proud of me and of herself for raising me to be this woman. I want her to think I did a good job cleaning the bathroom. I think it will be important to remember to translate long distance mom even sitting across the table from one another because I don't think my mother is ever going to become June Cleaver or Betty Crocker and I don't think I would like that very much. My mom is fun. She is tough and smart and silly and knows a good time when she sees one. She is also adventurous and brave and loving. I am her daughter and I guess that means I like a challenge. So let the countdown show 3 days until mom arrives. Hip Hip Hooray!
Mom and Hubbs 2B on a ferry back east last year
Fitness Day 5....
*Pilates/aerobics 40min AM ---a bit fristrating as I can really only stand in the hard shoe. I can't flex my foot for pushups or stuff like that. Phooey!
*Pool running (sounds cooler than aquajogging) 60min--PM Took my iPod wrapped it in a plastic bag and tied it to my head so it would be safe from the water. This was pure briliance. I was the only one at the pool so there was a LOT of dancing. I need to make a new POOL playlist. More pop and dance mixes. Woot for cardio.
*Pilates 20min PM -- feeling like an abreviated or just plain simple easy workout tonight. My foot is killing me.