Wednesday, February 24, 2010

I think I'll just cry about it.

I just got home from my 8 hr clinical shift where I was starting IVs and pushing medications and really getting into it. I have been having the best time ever in the Emeregency Department. I love my co-workers and their helpfulness in teaching me how to do things and how to do them better, I love talking to and helping patients. I love it all. I love starting IVs and I was SURE that was going to be the thing I hated. No, wrong! I hate the school part. I am so unhappy right now. I have never felt so unprepared ALL the freakin time. I feel like last term was hard and this one is Fucking Impossible. Pardon the french but holy shit! They have it piled so high and so deep I feel at times like there is no way to get it all done and they are just testing us to see if we can pick what is important and sacrifice the right stuff. I hate feeling this way. It reminds me of my undergrad when I was always behind for lack of effort until I realized it mattered and then it was too late....this time it just feels like it is too late all the damn time. I am wide awake with excitement from my shift (no, I drank no coffee) and I have a test in about 6 hours. I should have studied my butt off but I was at clinicals and I had three major papers to write this week. There aren't enough hours in the day and I wonder if any of these instructors have a clue what the others are ALSO asking of us?! F!!!!!!! Anyway, I am feeling well at least. I am ready to run again. I need to be working out again. I am aiming to hit up water aerobics tomorrow night but we shall see what time lab gets out. I can't wait for this term to be over but I also wish we had more time for all of this. I just feel like I am chest deep in the ocean and the waves keep coming closer and closer together. It is getting pretty grim in here!

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